Self-compassion doesn’t let you off the hook, it lets you growI want to share something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately: the idea that being gentle with ourselves when we feel we’ve messed up doesn’t mean we aren’t trying to grow. Instead, it allows for the type of reflection and curiosity *essential* for growth. Let’s look at an example from my own life:
Sometimes I leave a session with a client feeling like I’ve said the wrong thing. This brings up a lot of feelings for me because I care deeply about my clients and our work together. So let’s imagine two possible scenarios that could follow. Self-talk 1) “I really messed that up. I am always saying the wrong thing. Maybe I’m not cut out for this work.” Self-talk 2) “I’m human and always growing. I wonder what tools I would need to be able to respond differently to that type of situation next time. When I see that person again, I am going to loop back”. Which of these two responses actually allows me to become a better provider? I think the answer is pretty obvious, and yet when we’re caught in a shame spiral, it can be really tough to recognize, let alone infuse with kindness. Self-compassion is a really big part of healing our relationships with food, and I encourage you to notice the areas where you tend to be really hard on yourself. Full credit for this discussion goes to Dr. Becky Kennedy, who got me thinking about this when she said the following on this episode of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast: “If you want to let yourself off the hook for change, blame and shame yourself. That’s the best way. You will not be able to change. If you want to keep yourself on the hook for change, remind yourself you’re a good person underneath.”
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