3 Lessons I Am Taking Into a
New DecadeI entered a new decade this month and have been thinking about the things I’ve learned in the past 10 years that I want to bring forward with me. I would love to hear what would make it on your list!
Without further ado, here are mine: Wishing you could go back and do things differently is a sign you are growing
I value being a reflective person, but with that reflection comes a lot of instances of wishing I had a do-over. And while I’m still no stranger to the rabbit hole that is regret, I am getting quicker and quicker at reminding myself that having a different perspective today than a previous version of myself did, is a sign I have grown. The only thing scarier to me than wishing I could change things from the past, is the thought of never growing or gaining new perspectives.
Feelings aren’t logical, and you can’t out-logic feelings
Do you relate to experiencing a feeling, and then going into lawyer mode with yourself about whether or not it makes sense to feel that way? “Does this situation merit how resentful I am feeling?” “Am I allowed to feel burnt out with this amount on my plate?”. If this line of thinking counted as law school, I’d have been called to the bar by now for sure.
Time is teaching me that trying to logic myself out of how I’m feeling is a one-two punch: not only does it *not* make the feeling go away, it just adds a layer of confusion and shame. The iconic self-compassion researcher Kristen Neff frames it as a math equation: “suffering = pain x resistance”.
Everyday I am practicing welcoming all emotions to the party.
You are doing life just as “right” in the hard, messy moments as the effortless, happy ones
I may struggle to put this one into words because it feels a bit abstract in my own head. That said, I think as a culture we talk a fair bit about the harms of feeling like our best life is on the other side of getting our dream job, our dream house, etc.. But we talk a lot less about the harms of feeling like our best life is on the other side of a different emotional or psychological state.
I say this as someone who wholeheartedly believes in healing and getting all the support we can access to feel better when we don’t feel well. AND, I have found it an incredibly powerful reminder in moments of hardship to remind myself that pain isn’t a sign I am doing anything wrong, and isn’t me wasting my one precious life. To the contrary, a rich life is bound to include alllllll the parts that come with being human, both the pleasurable and the painful.
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